Sharing Our Coming Out Stories

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Open Minds Group October 2021 - Sharing Our Coming Out Stories - Supporting Each Other

LGBTQ+ people generally grow up with a lot on their shoulders. As children we often know that we’re different from people around us, but it’s not always easy to put this difference into words that make sense. Sometimes it’s the people that are around us that mark us as different and unfortunately this can come out as bullying or abuse. When we go into work or education, people can assume we’re ‘straight’ and it can feel like a lot of effort to correct them.

South Asian cultures still promote man/woman relationships as what is expected, and we absorb these ideas into our minds like a dry sponge absorbing water. As adults it’s very difficult to shake off this idea that we’re wrong for not following this expectation.

At October’s Open Minds meeting we talked about our experiences of telling people about our LGBTQ+ identities. This is often called ‘coming out’ or sometimes ‘inviting in’. There were lots of stories of situations where we were afraid of what people would say, and sometimes these fears were right and sometimes they were wrong. There’s no way of predicting what people will say or think when you tell them, and this is part of what makes the whole experience a challenge for us.

Some of us started this process when we were in our teenage years, and some of us are much older and still working out if they even want to tell the people around them. There should never be any pressure for you to tell people and there’s no judgement if you choose to keep things private.

One of the hard things about the meeting was hearing about how tiring it can be to keep having to ‘come out’ to people.

We talked about how it would be easier if people didn’t assume to know about your sexuality or gender just because they’ve seen what you look like. We talked about how it still feels too unsafe to be open with everyone as being open can put you at risk of physical or emotional violence.  

In the last part of the meeting, we talked about the importance of practicing kindness towards ourselves. The world can feel like a cruel place for LGBTQ+ people sometimes and it’s important to look after ourselves to make sure other people’s toxic views don’t take root in our own minds. We ended the session with a fantastic unwind session led by Kirath and from the final feedback it sounded like everyone took something useful from the group.

We will keep talking about ‘coming out’ and ‘inviting in’ until it becomes something we don’t have to do anymore. For those of you who are only just realising your LGBTQ+, remember that lots of people have gone through this before you, and if you can, try and read about other people’s experiences to find out how they took the next steps. There are many ways to walk this path and try your best to do what is right for you.

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We meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.

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