The Pressure to Fit-In
Open Minds Group June 2021 - The Pressure to Fit-In
After a short break we’ve restarted our Open Minds online peer support groups. The groups were started to give us a safer and more supportive place to share our experiences as LGBTQ+ Punjabis.
The topic for June’s group was resisting the pressure to fit into the expectations of other people. Below is our reflection on what we talked about and what we learned.
It was lovely to welcome new faces to the Open Minds group and good to hear that more and more people are finding out about the work we do. Hearing that people felt less alone just by taking part in the group helps us know that the Open Minds project is doing what it was designed to do.
Being LGBTQ+ usually means that you’re on the outside of what society thinks is ‘normal’. It can be tiring to cope with this and this is why some of us choose to ‘come out’ or invite people into our LGBTQ+ world.
“We realise quite quickly that we need to find a different way to think about our identities and the way that we are seen by other people.”
This can feel like a hard path to walk but a lot of us talked about how this can eventually mean that we live our lives in a much more joyful and connected way. A good way to start this journey is to find people that give you space to be yourself without judgement.
Working out what is important to us is a really important step in our journey towards living as an authentic version of ourselves. There are no rules about what this authentic version should look like and for most of us the journey to find out authentic selves will probably last our whole lifetime.
Our discussions also included some ideas about race and how this can get in the way of us feeling like we can be ourselves. We talked about how even in LGBTQ+ places we can be denied access due to people’s assumptions about our skin colour. Some of us have worked out ways to push back against this and some of us have chosen to avoid these kinds of places. Hopefully these kinds of problems will get less and less as more people become aware of racism in LGBTQ+ spaces.
Giving ourselves the permission to be ourselves was a big theme that came out the discussion. Sometimes we don’t realise that we carry the judgements of other people inside us and they can be toxic to our self-esteem and happiness.
Normal doesn’t really exist and this is an important thing to realise. We can think about our authentic self as a spark or flame that we carry in us and if we take the time to nurture and grow this spark, hopefully one day the idea of ‘fitting-in’ won’t really matter to us at all.
We meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.
The Open Minds Project
