Dealing with Other People’s Negativity
Open Minds Online Group May 2022
It’s not always helpful to think about ‘good and bad’ types of people, as we all have good and bad qualities in our nature. Sometimes it’s the people that we’re around that bring out these good and bad qualities, and at May’s Open Minds Online group we started our conversation by thinking about what toxic or negative relationships have looked like for us.
You can think of negative relationships in lots of ways and not every negative relationship needs to end or change. Sometimes the negativity of others can be a starting point for a new conversation that allows us strengthen the relationships that matter to us.
It becomes more complicated when the negativity of other people takes place over a long time, is very personal or when it stops us having open conversations. For many LGBTQIA+ Punjabis, they can experience this kind of negativity in their families or from wider Punjabi cultures. This kind of negativity is made even worse because it often starts when we are children who have very little way to challenge these views or make sense of them. We can then carry this negativity into our adult lives and it can affect new friendships and relationships.
For some of us in the group, the negativity of family members made us think hard about our place in Punjabi cultures and we have had to learn new, more positive ways of claiming back our space in these cultures. It can feel lonely making these new paths, but it also gives us the opportunity to be specific about which parts of the culture work and don’t work for us.
Some of us manage the negativity of other people by trying to keep a positive attitude in everything we do. We talked about the power of humour to breakdown negative attitudes and avoid conflict in situations where conflict would only make things worse.
We thought about our intimate or romantic relationships and how it’s not always easy to recognise patterns of toxic behaviour in other people. This can be especially hard in the early stages of a relationship when we’re making a big effort to get along with each other.
Sometimes the best thing to do, is recognise that people need to take responsibility for their actions and if they are not willing to change, we sometimes need to move on from that particular relationship. If their negativity has been bad for us, we might need to concentrate on healing and repairing before starting new relationships as there is a risk that we might end up in the same situation again.
It's important to remember that no-one is perfect and we don’t always treat each other with the respect that we might want in return. Where we can, it’s important to apologise for our bad behaviour and if possible, to learn from what happened so that it doesn’t happen again.
Being positive can be a great way to make sure we don’t take these kinds of situations too seriously. In saying this, don’t be hard on yourself if the negativity of other people hits you hard even when you’re being positive.
The key is to recognise it’s happening, take a break from that person or situation and spend some time with people who you love and who love you too. If you don’t have these people in your life yet, keep treating other people with the kindness you want in return, and we’re sure that they will start to come into your life soon!
With warm wishes,
The Open Minds Project
We meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.
