Conversations With Our Parents

Open Minds April 2020 - Conversations With Our Parents

Like lots of other groups, we have had to move our face to face Punjabi LGBTQ+ support group to an online only space because of the coronavirus pandemic. This is a summary of our second April meeting.

For some of us we have the privilege of being able to use the lockdown as a time to reflect and refocus our priorities. For others, work has become busier and more demanding despite working from home. Although some of us have been able to use the time to be ‘productive’ we spent some time talking about how the pressure to be productive can prevent us from having the downtime that we need in order to stay physically and mentally well. We wondered if Punjabi culture creates a pressure to keep working and that not working is automatically interpreted as being lazy. This can have a toxic impact on self-esteem.

Some people noticed that their parents seemed to be struggling with relaxing or switching off during the lockdown. We talked about how it is complicated to try and understand their perspective on feeling useful and occupied. Keeping busy might be the best strategy that they have for managing their own stress and worry.

Some of our conversations with our parents have been tense or challenging. We talked about different ways to have beneficial conversations with our parents. This included changing the default topics of conversation to more neutral topics and recognising that often our parents will struggle to know how to relate to us as much as we might struggle to relate to them.

It is important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and there will always be times where we feel irritable or annoyed with the people around us. Sometimes reminding ourselves that parents are also adults with their own life histories and personalities can help refocus or change our expectations of them. Hopefully this will give them the opportunity to apply the same thinking to us.

The Open Minds Project