‘Family’ and what it means to us

Open Minds Online Group March 2022

We started our March group with a discussion about the importance of family in our lives and the differences between the families that we were born into and the ones we have created for ourselves through our connections with friends and partners. In many Punjabi and South Asian cultures, the word family can also be knotted together with ideas about duty, responsibility and reputation and non-heterosexual families are still a taboo topic.

We talked about how some of us are walking challenging paths between the lives that our families want us to live, which mean that we need to pretend to be heterosexual or cis-gendered and lives which honour our LGBTQ+ identities. To reject our families’ views can feel like we’re being ungrateful or unkind but living a double life can also have a serious effect on our own mental and physical health.

There is no right or wrong way to work these things out and we each need to find our own way. This is where our chosen family of LGBTQ+ friends and allies can help, especially as a place to vent our frustrations and talk through our feelings and plans. Making a space for these kinds of connections was one of the main reasons why the Open Minds Project was started and it remains one of our key missions.

Starting our own families, either through adoption, surrogacy or fostering, is something that a few of us have been thinking about. We talked about the commitment that is needed to raise a child and for many of us, it’s not something that we feel we need to do. It was clear that more conversations about having children as LGBTQ+ people are needed as there are still a lot of barriers to having children in non-typical families and it would be useful to share knowledge between those of us that are looking to start families.

In general, families should be supportive places where we learn how to live well and where we learn to respect others. Being part of a family is about being an individual in a network and when it works well, we are able to use these families for support in the good and the bad times. This means that we should also be available to give this support where we can.

A good quality family network, chosen or birth, should be based on the principals of love and mutual respect. The hope is that when this happens, our family’s will not only accept us for what we are, they will also lift us up so that we can thrive and be the best versions of what we are.

With warm wishes,

The Open Minds Project ­

We meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.