Who is looking after you?

Open Minds Group Birmingham - Nov 22

In November we were in Birmingham. The topic for the group was ‘self-compassion’ and we were lucky to run the group with a self-compassion trainer who guided us through a few simple self-compassion exercises. Compassion is a word that means having sympathy for the suffering of others, and self compassion is about turning this feeling back onto ourselves. It’s an idea which is easy to talk about but much harder to put into practice.

Not everyone agrees with the idea of self-care, and some people think that it’s a kind of selfishness. For other people self-care routines are essential parts of their day and they find it hard to understand why other people don’t use similar routines.  

We would encourage everyone to have an open mind when it comes to the idea of self-compassion because all of us will experience hardship in our lives at some point and it might be a practice that can help you cope or stay well during these times of hardship. It can be used on it’s own, or with alongside therapy or other self-care practices. At it’s core, it’s about treating yourself with the kindness, care and love that you would you give to someone who was dependent on you to help them live well and thrive.

It was tough to hear that most of the group had experiences of being told that our LGBTQIA+ identities were something that needed to be changed, hidden or that these identities made us a target for abuse or aggression. Many of us found it difficult to be completely relaxed in our lives and we talked about how this constant feeling of stress can have negative effects on our minds and bodies. 

One of the really difficult things about being around other people’s negativity is that their voices can start to become part of the way that we see ourselves. This is especially true if we’re exposed to these ideas when we’re children or young adults. We can take these views into ourselves at a deep level and mentally punish ourselves using these views even when we’re grown up adults trying to live our own lives.

This is where self-compassion can come in. It’s a way for us to push back against these toxic ideas and to provide ourselves with the care and love that maybe we didn’t get from those that are important to us.

If we think of ourselves like plants, then the negative views of other people can be a bit like plant poison. If the plant takes in too much poison, it can make it sick or stop it growing well. Self-compassion can be the antidote to this poison. 

Once we finished the exercises we had a conversation about the self-care practices we use in our day to day lives. We talked about how hard it is to remember to do these practices or to find the time to do them and we talked about how in reality this is the same for most people and that it’s not something we need to feel bad about.

We finished the session with a conversation about mantras or sentences, that we repeat to ourselves to remind ourselves of what is important to us. Here are a few from the group:  

“Be happy and live you best life”

“In this space, I am safe” 

“Take responsibility for yourself and own your life” 

“I’m ok” 

“I love you” 

“I’m happy, healthy and at peace”

Overall, the feedback told us that most people found the group useful and we will use these practices again in future groups. They also talked about how much they appreciated being around other people with South Asian heritage who didn’t judge them for their LGBTQIA+ identities and we will be back in Birmingham in February 2023.

With warm wishes,

The Open Minds Project ­

We meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.