Finding our own ways as LGBTQIA+ folks

Open Minds Online Group - Jun 23

What does success mean to you and where did you get this idea from? Did your family's expectations of you depend on your gender and your willingness to have children? These were some of the issues that we discussed at June's Open Minds Online meeting.

The topic for this cycle of groups has been the idea of goals and future plans and how our heritage might or might not have influenced these goals. We don't want to judge people's life choices, but we wanted to think about the idea of choice and to think more carefully about how challenging it can be to step outside of other people's dreams for us.

As the group continued the word 'shame' started to creep into the conversation. Some of us talked about the difficulty of being LGBTQIA+ in our family circles and how sometimes we used our success in education or work as a shield against some of the negative criticism that might have been directed towards us.

Sometimes this meant that we became trapped in situations or jobs that we did not really want to do. The need to feel validated by our friends and families is a powerful thing and it can be hard to get rid of this need.

We also heard lots of stories of people who had changed careers and found ways to make more independent paths for themselves. We recognised that sometimes our parents’ ideas about us come from their own difficult life histories and that when you can see this, it's sometimes easier to give up the idea that we are responsible for making them or keeping them happy or content.

Living LGBTQIA+ lives usually means stepping outside of what other people expect or want from us. Unfortunately, the assumption is that all children are straight and cis-gendered, and generally South Asian cultures make very little space for people with different genders or sexualities. Things are changing in some places and the conversation ended on a hopeful and positive theme.

The old generational expectations are much easier to challenge but we recognise that this isn't true in all situations. Hopefully, as more and more of us show that you can live well and be a part of a community even if you don't want to get married, have children or have a lot of material wealth - the old-fashioned expectations will fade away and we'll all be living more authentic and meaningful lives.

With warm wishes,

The Open Minds Project ­

We usually meet on the last Wednesday of each month and if you want to join us at an Open Minds Meeting, please visit the Events page on our website.